This article first appeared in the Manx Advertiser.
I am suffering as I write this.
No doubt some of you will encounter similar feelings as you read it.
I am reeling from the effects of a throat infection, which appears to have taken over my head and turned it into a large marshmallow with an angry elf trying to push its way out.
This is not pleasant, but I don’t want anyone to break out the violins
The advantage of giving opinions in the written word, as opposed to in the broadcast media, is that when you lose your voice, you can soldier on. Although, right now, I’m thinking that if I’d been able to drop an email to Broadcasting House saying ‘Sorry, voice gone, here’s a tape of Axl Rose diplomatic speeches to play instead’, I would be quite happy.
Anyway, here are some things to bear in mind to help you cope with illness.
- If you are male and suffering severe symptoms of a cold, it is not sexist for others to refer to your ailment as man-flu.
- You may have lost your sense of smell as a result of the illness, but others most probably haven’t. Try to get into the shower every now and again.
- If you live at home with other family members, they will, at some stage, all develop the symptoms of whatever virus or sniffle lurgy you have. Except for one, who will have the unenviable task of running around after everyone else. They will collapse from exhaustion shortly after you recover.
- You will seem to remember that even the most severe cold, when you were younger, only lasted a few days. This doesn’t relate to life now, although think that is no reason to stay off sick when you could go into the office, extract no sympathy, get in people’s way and spread germs before someone finally sends you home.
- A really bad cold or similar affliction is a good time to ‘bury’ bad news. I remember my mother discovering an unreturned library book that I’d denied having, when I was laid up with tonsillitis. Even if I was told off, I was too feverish to remember. Result. So it’s always a good time to admit you forgot to post the mother-in-law’s birthday card.
- The same Friends episode will appear every three hours on Comedy Central.
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