This column by Paul Speller first appeared in the Manx Advertiser.
Life looks very different from behind the wheels of the pram. Whether it’s just a different pace of life or obstacles that appear to have been put in your way in order to buggy up your plans, it gives you a whole new perspective on the world.
Here are just some of the things the pram pushers of the world have learned:
- Strangely, the outlets where you are least likely to receive assistance with opening and closing doors, from a member of staff, tend to be pharmacies. The most helpful are nearly always in butcher’s shops, which is no surprise as butchers always tend to be the most cheerful of people (probably related to the fact that they can vent any frustrations by aiming a meat cleaver at a carcass).
- Pushing a pram on a footpath is the equivalent of driving a Renault Clio on a road. People think they have to overtake you or it is an insult to their very existence.
- Every public lift has its own individual smell.
- Your daytime social life starts to be governed by ease of access. Even if you are not pushing a pram when you visit a new café, you are scouting the venue to assess whether there is sufficient space, if there are decent high chairs and what the reaction of staff is to other children. It’s a bit sad, really.
- (If the child whose pram you are pushing is your own, you probably don’t have a night time social life.)
- Fire doors are very important, but they don’t half make things tricky at times. As for revolving doors….
- It’s very easy to forget that, with three-wheeled prams, one end is likely to be a little wider than the other. You should make the effort to apologise when you clip someone’s heels – it’s not usually their fault. If it was their fault, however, it’s permissible to do it again.
- Regardless of size, if you buy more than one item of shopping, you will run out of space under the pram.
- When taking your baby out on a two-hour walk to get them off to sleep they will only fall asleep after one hour and fifty minutes. However, if you want your baby to remain awake in the pram, they will nod off within a quarter of an hour.
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