Going green is not all it’s cracked up to be

This column by Paul Speller first appeared in the Manx Advertiser

I recently went to a Chinese take-away with a stripe of green marker pen smeared across my cheek.

Unfortunately, I did not realise this until I had also popped to a corner shop, returned home, eaten the Chinese meal and then finally glanced into a mirror.

A number of people are culpable in not informing me I was doing a poor impression of an early eighties glam metal icon, but I only know two well enough to ask about their silence.

Dee Snyder was delighted to hear about the new tribute act

Dee Snyder was delighted to hear about the new tribute act

My wife’s reply when I asked her why she had not mentioned my additional facial adornment prior to my departure from the house was: ‘I thought you knew.’

It is reassuring to think that Mrs Speller believes it is not her place to speak out in protest when I’m about to make a bold fashion statement. This information may be useful at a future date.

My four-year-old son was interrogated the next morning. He confirmed he had spotted my face was covered in marker  pen – a consequence of colouring in a Christmas tree picture for him, I should add – but he too lacked any sense of contrition over the fact I had been allowed to stride forth oblivious to my unintended make-up.

When I think about it, the lady in the Chinese take-away who served me did seem to smile a little more than usual. I thought it was solely due to the fact that there had been a minor deviation in a food order that has remained so constant over the past year that I suspect she had begun to tip off her colleagues in the kitchen before I came through the door.

Not that it’s the only mildly embarrassing thing to ever happen to me in a Chinese take-away.

I do recall a good few years ago when a passer-by took the trouble to pop his head in to state that he recognised me from my picture in various publications.

This was mildly flattering and I chose to ignore the clear evidence that this fan of my musings was emboldened to approach me with the assistance of alcohol.

However, when he returned a few minutes later to tell me he believed another rather well known columnist of this parish was a lot funnier, I decided he was clearly drunk.

Follow Paul on Twitter: @Norbertsdad

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About Paul Speller

Writer, journalist, husband, dad.
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3 Responses to Going green is not all it’s cracked up to be

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